A Simple NLP Technique for Building Rapport and Influence

Think about it… When you “like” someone, or you feel a connection with someone, you’ll likely be open, responsive, and will truly “listen” to what they have to say.  This is rapport.  When you are “in sync” or on the same wavelength as another person, and there’s a feeling of commonality between you, you have rapport.

With rapport comes influence.  And with influence (when used with integrity), comes great success.  So rapport is an extremely important thing to cultivate with the people you’re working with, partnering with, or selling products/services to.

So how do you build rapport?  Click play below to learn about an NLP technique that will help you build instant rapport and ultimately have greater influence with people in your business and your life…

Rapport is power.  Meet people where they are, see them for who they are, and lead.  This technique is very valuable, but again, it’s not to be overused or abused.  Be yourself, be authentic, and approach life and everyone you meet with an open heart… True rapport is really just about connection.

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Any thoughts, comments, or feedback to share?

Hope this was of great value to you today!  I sure know how valuable it was for me when I first learned about this!  And if it was, please share it!  Tweet it, FB it…  and spread the word! Thank YOU!

To Your Unstoppable Success,
Katie Freiling

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{ 154 comments… read them below or add one }

Melody September 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm

I do find that I naturally do the same thing with people. This is a great post. Keep offering great applicable content! You do a great job.
Melody´s last blog post ..I Am Going To do It!


Alex Martinez September 2, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Hey Katie, Very interesting subject. I became aware of this when I was taught how to negotiate real estate deals. It takes some practice, for those for whom it doesn’t come naturally, like myself but you are correct, it works. Great post and video.
Alex Martinez
Alex Martinez´s last blog post ..Network Marketing Help- Find Your Insperation


Tim Atkinson September 2, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Awesome Video Katie, your presence gives such an amazing feeling. You rock, Let me hit this tweet and share buttons real quick, catch ya later;)
Tim Atkinson´s last blog post ..Traffic Voodoo 20 Bonus Makes History


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:15 am

Thanks so much Tim! Love what you do :)


Krisna September 2, 2010 at 12:55 pm

LOVE IT KATIE! Thank you for sharing this awesome technique with the masses! It’s obvious that many “like” you and are VERY open to listening to what you have to say!

Namaste Sweetness!


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:16 am

Namaste love!!


Petr Kyshenya September 2, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Hey Katie,
Excellent post and video!


Siegfried Uhlig September 2, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Hi Kati, that’s what we must more do to connecting with each other. We are to much in business. If we hear the other people with their needs he will hear us and can use what we offering.
It can begin a relationship of a long time.
Thank you for your being here and your heart for teaching….
Best regards and have a nice evening Siegfried


jdavid moffitt September 2, 2010 at 1:06 pm

So great kate ,hey that rimes
But realy when our hearts are
open people will come in
you rock ..
jdavid moffitt´s last blog post ..Dare to be great- or not


Soke Joseph Droual September 2, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Katie-thank tou for the great information-have a great weekend-SokeJoeDroual


Duncan September 2, 2010 at 1:36 pm


Excellent explanation of NLP tactics. I studied NLP in college, and began using it dealing with people in hotel industries.


Duncan Judson


Carl September 2, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Great job, I hear this year ago and it does work. I’m a red personality and sometime it can be hard to bring it down a little, but you are so right you can lose people if they are looking to connect with people more like them.


James Hannan September 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Hi Katie
so true, isn’t it funny that if you are likeable, people will like you, if you are friendly, you will have friends. People are wanting to trust others. We just have to give them someone to trust.
James Hannan´s last blog post ..Comment on Is a Blog important for your home based business or network marketing business by best mortgage rate


Joanie Dhillon September 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Hi Katie,

Building rapport is definitely a skill but you are right, there are ways to do so by tuning into the other person’s energy and personality. I do still think at times it is necessary to bring extra energy to the table because if they aren’t emitting the “right energy” you are attracted to or are maybe in an off mood or being negative, we do have the power to bring them into our energetic vibration. Thanks for the insightful post!
Joanie Dhillon´s last blog post ..21 Days to Manifesting Abundance by Reshaping Your Self Image


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:19 am

Oh, yes definitely! If someone is closed off and just not open, and you mirror that, you’ll never get anywhere! Openness is always a rapport builder in and of itself because most people naturally respond to someone with an open heart and open energy :) Same thing with negativity… Don’t mirror it, just simply see your inherent connection to the person in front of you and build rapport by being open, and shining your positive light :)


Tyler Grupe September 2, 2010 at 2:07 pm

It’s funny that I do the “matching and mirroring” naturally when I am interacting with people. Sometimes I wonder if I am losing a part of my own identity when I engage in this modeling behavior.

I know that’s not true but it’s amazing how your (at least mine) internal dialog can have a stream of thought that could fill half a book in the matter of just a minute or two.

I wish I could have a word processor plugged into my brain that would just write down my thoughts and compare that to the video of how the conversation REALLY went!

Does anyone else ever have a stream of thoughts while they are actively engaged in modeling behavior?? Talk about multitasking subconsciously….not always a good thing!


Victoria September 2, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Thank you Katie for sharing this technique,we’ll continue to learn.


Richard Cooper September 2, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Awesome video, will be shareing this with my staff. Thanks for posting this Katie


Nick Klopper September 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm

As soon as you said ‘mirroring’ I was like “I do that!”, but I had never really thought about it. I have always been good at building rapport with people and finding common ground. But, you are right mirroring and meeting people where they are is a big part of building rapport.

I actually heard Eben Pagan talking about this last week and it made me more conscious of what I was doing. Being conscious about how you are building rapport is a wonderful way to continue developing this skill set and being able to connect with people on deeper level.

Nick Klopper
Nick Klopper´s last blog post ..Increase Your Productivity – How To Clear The Mechanism


Nicky (UK) September 2, 2010 at 2:45 pm

This definitely works Katie, but if it doesn’t come naturally to people – don’t work too hard at it in one meeting as it looks false. Start by speaking at their pace and tone and this will really help.
Nicky (UK)
Nicky (UK)´s last blog post ..What A Minor Car Accident- a £150 bill and a Picture Did For Me Today…


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:19 am

Thank you Nicky! I totally agree :)


Tina September 2, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Great post, I work as a Home Health Care nurse and this definitely works with my patients. You have to meet people where the are before you can take them somewhere else.
Thanks so much!
Tina´s last blog post ..Telehealth Nursing-What is this


Dennis Wiberg September 2, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Hi Katie
Liked your vidio, I do this often, and I can feel the connection with others, as it feels that we are on the same page. Keep up the great work, I am a newbeee to this business, feel it will be a great ride, I have so much to learn.


Brian Pinski September 2, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Thanks Katie for talking about NLP in your video. I actually bought a book about this subject a long time ago and actually forgot I have it. I am now going to go digging through some old boxes so I can find it and learn more about the rapport building techniques you mentioned in the video. It is a great feeling when you are connected like that when talking with someone. Puts your mind in a heightened state. Awesome stuff!

Brian Pinski
Brian Pinski´s last blog post ..What Inspires You


Curt Bizelli September 2, 2010 at 3:55 pm


Great blog post with video! I completely agree. I first learned about mirroring when I worked for a company called Vector Marketing (outside sales) when I was only 19 years old. It’s truly a phenomenal tactic, but the best is when it comes naturally. The truth is that most everybody does mirroring “at some time or another in their lives” without even realizing it. (Just look at a male and female flirting … how they mirror body movements, tone of voice, so much more, etc.) Psychology has always been an interesting subject to me that I’ve loved to study.

Excellent Content – Thanks!
Curt Bizelli´s last blog post ..YOUcom Personal Branding for the Independent Online Entrepreneur &amp Standing Out in the Age of Advertising Overload! “It all starts with Passion”


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:21 am

Hey Curt, thanks for sharing! The male/female dynamic is definitely a great example :)


Jennifer September 2, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Katie! Your message today is so true, now that you’ve mentioned it I do that as well. I will be even more aware of it now that I am aware of it! Thanks for all the great info! I appreciate you.


Damayanthi September 2, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Hi Katie,

Need I say that this is a great post? They always are.

This is very interesting, I have certainly hear that we need to meet people where they are, but haven’t been applying this consciously. Thanks for the reminder.

You have a great week-end.

Damayanthi´s last blog post ..90 Day Business Plans – You Got To Be Flexible Sometimes


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:23 am

Always great to get your feedback Damayanthi! :)


Johnson. September 2, 2010 at 4:37 pm

Hi Katie,

Loving your stuff. Was just wondering… how would you incorporate this mirroring technique into type? I guess the best copywriters are able to do this pretty much automatically…

Would mirroring have a pretty close meaning to marketing? As in, you’d have to really know your market and who you’re selling to to mirror how they’re feeling, what they’re going through, etc?

Would appreciate your thoughts.


Johnson.´s last blog post ..Johnson’s First Article On Productivity


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:14 am

Hi Johnson… The game changes a bit when you’re communicating with type or copy. But you’re so right, the best copywriters in the world are able to relate through their words… And they do this by speaking in their reader’s language, and anticipating questions, concerns, etc. along the way. :)


Tomas Kirk - Business & Marketing Principles For Online Success September 2, 2010 at 7:00 pm

Hey Katie,
Great info on the subject of NLP and mirroring. Being a former jarhead (Marine – oooh raahh), more simpler terms for me would be to become a chameleon and know the personality traits. Many different books on the subject but more importantly understanding people for who they are and being able to relate in some fashion, then continue to build rapport with the person.
Tomas Kirk – Business & Marketing Principles For Online Success´s last blog post ..Burke Hedges- author of “Who Stole The American Dream”- Shares The Keys To Success


Keysha Bass September 2, 2010 at 7:52 pm

This is quite interesting. I love psychology of people. Thanks for sharing!
Keysha Bass´s last blog post ..What’s so important about keywords


Brian - Attraction Marketing Explained September 2, 2010 at 9:49 pm

A very interesting technique that deftly uses a non-verbal method to develop commonality. And we know that sharing something in common helps build trust. I will observe it in action and use it to try to build rapport with my students tomorrow when we meet for the first time.


IamDavid September 2, 2010 at 10:29 pm

Thanks for sharing, very interesting NLP approach. I will test it out to see how it works.
IamDavid´s last blog post ..Man of Action- Strategy Session


Susanna Hess September 3, 2010 at 12:15 am

Hi Katie,

What you’re talking about here ABSOLUTELY works! I have found this very effective in business and personal life.

Like you, I didn’t know what it was called, or that it was even called anything! I just did it. Now that I’ve learned more about it, I can actually tap into it more.

Thank you for creating awareness on this topic!

Susanna Hess´s last blog post ..Online Marketing Inspiration- Do Thoughts Really Matter


Linda G. Cox September 3, 2010 at 12:30 am

I can see what your saying. This is new information to me and yet I can see I naturally have mirrored other peoples behaviors. It’s a very harmoneous way of interacting with friends and it seems so logical. I’m glad you shared this information in a way that teaches us not to “win friends” or manipulate in any way, just to be aware.
Linda G. Cox´s last blog post ..Keyword Research Success with Google Wonder Wheel


Elmar Sandyck September 3, 2010 at 3:56 am

Great video Katie!

I totally agree with Susanna — this really works and it applies to both our personal and business lives! No matter where we are today in our lives, establishing rapport and making valuable connections will always play a huge part in all of our daily dealings.

Always a pleasure reading your posts. This one’s pretty simple, yet has a huge impact!
Elmar Sandyck´s last blog post ..The Google Duplicate Content Penalty Is A Myth- There’s No Such Thing…


Patrick September 3, 2010 at 4:01 am

Hey Katie,

I will soon do some seminars in the US about NLP. Let me know if you would like to attend. I will do a weekend training that I would be more than willing to do for you and your team for a highly discounted price, i.e. barely any cost at all.

Let me know if you wish to know more about NLP in Sales, because I am about to release a new home study course that I would be absolutely willing to send you for free, so that you can check it out.

Write me and let me know and I will uplaod the course for you before it hits the market.

best wishes,

http://www.salesinthe21stcentury.com ;-)


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:26 am

Hi Patrick, keep me updated! :)


Anderson Goncalves September 3, 2010 at 6:22 am

Hello Katie,

Thank you for sharing this awesome information with all of us. That’s something I am very interested about. It’s like putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes, understanding and synchronizing with the other being. I am also reading “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie and that makes so much sense with the principles he teaches.

Best wishes!
Anderson Goncalves´s last blog post ..My Favorite Top 10 WordPress Plugins


Rowena Coshan September 3, 2010 at 6:33 am

Hi Katie, Great post!

Years ago I heard a definition of charisma as being pretty much the same thing occuring naturally. As I recall it also included accents, not putting on a blatently false accent, but next time you speak to someone with an accent, take notice of your voice to see if you notice a slight change in cadence similar to the accent of the person you are speaking with.

Rowena Coshan´s last blog post ..Don’t Judge a Blog by It’s Header


Dan Toops September 3, 2010 at 7:59 am

Great! Thanks for sharing. I will definetly be looking more deeply into this technique.


Virgil Cook September 3, 2010 at 9:10 am

Thank you Katie! I had never thought about my interactions with other people in this way before. I will definitely keep an eye out, watch myself & others, and try to improve if necessary on these ideas and strategies…

Yours in True Success,
Virgil Cook
Virgil Cook´s last blog post ..Freelance Copywriting Jobs


Joy September 3, 2010 at 11:06 am

I loved this post and video. Actually it not only helped me see a path to building rapport, but also explained why I have difficulty gaining rapport with some people. I now have a method that will help me to overcome that difficulty.

Thank you for sharing this.


Renee Harrison September 3, 2010 at 12:05 pm

Hey Katie,
I love this video. Building repoire is so critical in our industry, I feel out of my own skin unless I do this effectively right from the first few minutes of meeting someone new. It’s so important to find that common ground. And yes! The mirroring is incredible, I have noticed myself doing this when I am connecting with someone well. Thanks again for your input-great topic!
Renee Harrison´s last blog post ..Facebook Fan Page Customization- Adding Video- Photos- Custom Signature and Clickable Icons


Jennifer Beaumont-Whyte September 3, 2010 at 1:32 pm

I think you are a true star! NLP is not a subject that is easily explained and you have managed to do that so naturally. I use the techniques very rarely even though I have had some training. Thank you for bringing it all back for me. I’ll definatly be useing them more conciously. Jen x


Denise Hoalt September 3, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Wow! You nailed it Katie. I have been a Home Health RN for several years now, and I can relate totally with the rapport technique. I didn’t realize that I use that often until I watched your video….to be able to be an influence in others lives you first have to relate with them. Thanks for sharing!

Denise’s Last blog…Define Ourselves in Two Minutes
Denise Hoalt´s last blog post ..Define Ourselves in Two Minutes


Shawn Johnson September 3, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Great content Katie, Rapport is POWER!!

This works like gang busters and its so simple.
I have been doing this and really did not know it but
thanks for sharing and explaining what this all means.

Shawn Johnson


Donnie Smith September 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm

I never thought about that mirroring someone like that. Thanks for the advice. Donnie
Donnie Smith´s last blog post ..Auto Market Weekly – MACS Is Offering Online Certification Course


William Kwik September 3, 2010 at 7:27 pm

Thank you for the great post and video. In my optometry practice, I am dealing with people all the time. I’ve used this concept before in my interactions, though I didn’t know it was NLP. Honestly, I will use this more, because I feel that many times it’s not what you say, but how you say it.


Karen Marrow September 3, 2010 at 8:08 pm


Thanks so much for this great information. I had heard of something similar, but not explained in quite this way. I will now be using this technique and be more aware of it!

Take care,

Karen Marrow´s last blog post ..Inspirational Video You Have To See This- But Grab A Tissue!


Nathan Isaac September 4, 2010 at 9:09 am

One thing that I love about your videos Katie is, you always have the viewer intrigued the entire way through. I really like that. I am always fully engaged and listening to every word you say. That’s a skill many people need to learn.

I am going to use this skill a bit more, I think I would always be the same person with anyone I was talking with. It totally makes sense. Thank you :)
Nathan Isaac´s last blog post ..Edmonton Yoga Loft


Katie Freiling September 4, 2010 at 10:30 am

Why thank you Nathan! That’s quite a compliment :)


Heather C Stephens September 4, 2010 at 8:54 pm

Hi Katie,

Amazingly true. I know when I get together with friends from a different part of the country, I naturally end up talking like them, and it surprises me.

I first learned of this working in high-school at a boutique dress shop from the owner. It always helped me to develop a friendship and rapport with people who became my regular customers.

Great tip! You did an awesome job presenting it. I love your way of explaining things, Katie.

Heather C Stephens´s last blog post ..Clever Copywriting Secrets for Blog Writers Part 2 Follow Up to Guest Post on Ty Tribble Blog


Dede Sindelar September 5, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Katie, that was really a great video. I have never followed anyone but you are definitely an inspiration with your information that you provide for all of us. Thank you again


Molly September 6, 2010 at 6:49 am

Great post and video Katie!
It’s so important to be able to relate with others exactly where they are and through their own language. I think people that are not aware of this technique can miss out on great relationships and new business partners!

Plus it opens us up to a deeper capacity in many areas including empathy and love:-)

Thanks again for all you do Katie!
Molly´s last blog post ..Day 25- “Buzz Trends” Training


Amani September 6, 2010 at 9:07 am

So true Katie… The actual words we use don’t even make up 10%of our interactions with others. Most people don’t realize it but the vast majority is based on our body language and the tone and pitch of our voice. Simply getting in sync with the other person’s body language and conversation style is more than half the battle to building great rapport!
Amani´s last blog post ..Staying FOCUSED When Building Your Business


Ryan Yokome September 6, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Hey Katie I was thinking about your post.

It’s funny when you become aware of these tactics and begin to notice other people using them, or even more on yourself!

It’s the funniest thing. Watch anything on Anthony Robbins and how to imitates people who are interviewing him on camera with his body language. ;)
Ryan Yokome´s last blog post ..Life Transformation Now Bonus Giveaway


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